Well, I'm not entirely better yet, but well enough at least to do something again. So I didn't have the flu, that was the melodramatic bit, but I did have a serious fever day on Friday. Still have a cough and a very very congested head, and I very much do hope that that cough is the first thing to go because if the congestion goes first I'll end up with a dry cough. The thing I know works best for dry coughs is noscapine, which I don't think I can't get over the counter here because it's an opiate and I was already having the most difficult time trying to locate normal ibuprofen (so not liquid or fast-working or anything, just normal no-fuss ibuprofen) heavier than 200mg.
But so I feel mostly better again today, so mum, dad, no need to worry about me anymore, I'm fine.
I received comments from one of my professors here in Leicester about a research proposal for my PhD - I really want to research it now, not just have a fascinating topic to say "look, I've got a PhD-worthy idea!" but actually find out what's there - and it was really good commentary, as it had some really good points where I could improve but more importantly, points where I'd done things right. So I feel very encouraged now, and I'll definitely, definitely go on and submit an application here too.
The What-Ifs decided to haunt me again this weekend, so I made a back-up plan, a Plan C if you wish. It involves moving back to the Netherlands, getting a job - I can do both retail and administrative, so should be okay for a bit - and spending my time on a Law bachelor's at Utrecht, which I can finish in 2 years because I am exempt from a number of courses, and then in the meanwhile I can try again for PhD programmes until I find one that suits me and wants me. It never hurts to have an LLB.
It was foggy this morning, and then grey all day, but when I returned to Mary Gee there was a gorgeous bit of sunshine, and everything looked so much prettier. I suddenly noticed the daisies in the very, very green grass and snowdrops in the flowerbeds and how the croci and daffodils and all the trees are silently waiting to burst with colour.
Once, in my first year Rhetoric class, I had to write an Encomium and, seeing as it was about the same time of year as it is now, I did it on spring, because that's one of the best things about late February/March/April, when the sun comes out and all the plants blossom and everyone's happy. I couldn't compare spring to anything, however, so I refused to add a comparison, and I did receive a comment from my lecturer on that. I stand, however, by my refusal to compare spring to anything - what, truly, is comparable to the joy and hope contained in those moments where you suddenly notice that chill is finally about to fade from the air? George Harrison captured it very well in Here Comes the Sun, so I guess the feeling of spring is comparable to imagining the feeling of spring when listening to Here Comes the Sun, but that's like cheating at comparison, isn't it?
In fact, that must've been the same semester that I spent 6 out of 15 weeks with Here Comes the Sun stuck in my head. I'm surprised I'm not yet sick of it.
Except that the chill is not about to fade from the air. There's no snow predicted for Leicestershire for the next 10 days (praise whatever Deity you decided listens to you), but it will get cold again, about 4-5 Celsius. This annoys me, also because I've been really wanting to rock my new old tweed jacket and I still can't because I can't wear it under my coat - it's a man's jacket, it needs to be worn on its own - but mainly because I'm now truly sick (literally) and tired (also literally) of those long, long, long winter days.
But at least it now no longer gets dark at 4:30, now we've got daylight until about 6:15. It's something.
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