Leicester Adventure: New Year's Plans and Resolutions (that I won't keep)

2013 is fast approaching (only 20 more hours! Yes, I'm a bit insomniac), so all that I still have to do this year is wish you a brilliant new year, brimming with opportunities and happy moments - may your dreams come true and May the Force be with you!

I'm not going to do a what's happened in 2012, because mostly when I remember stuff it's embarrassing, making me cringe. Ooh, except for one last-minute discovery: the word 'moreish', for when 'addictive' is somehow not exactly le mot juste...

I prefer looking at the future, also because my mum once told me that you can't plan everything and I am still trying to prove her wrong. These are some of my plans for 2013, or at least the ones that are solidifying around this time... I'll be travelling to the Netherlands soon, which I am quite looking forward to, mostly because I miss paprika-flavoured crisps, but also because I'll meet up with some amazing people. In late July/August, I'll probably attend PALA student summer school and the Annual Conference in Heidelberg, to meet up with some more amazing people (and a battle axe) and generally use the cover of this having some sort of academic purpose to indulge in fun. I say probably, because if I get the internship I'm applying for, I may instead be spending time in France at that time. Finally, I am, as you'll know by now, in the process of seeking out and applying to Ph.D.-programmes. I kind of have to be accepted to any programme, because if I don't I haven't a clue whether I suit any purpose outside of academia at all - though I guess I can always go back to stacking and filing.

And now, my 2013 resolutions (that I won't keep):

1. Procrastinate less.
   Why: Because the stress I experience when writing papers last-minute is literally turning my hair grey (may have something to do with my dye washing out), and because it is said that if you have more time to spend revising and rewriting the paper it turns out better (a myth terribly difficult to test empirically).
   Why I won't: the adrenaline rush of finishing a paper last-minute is very moreish addictive, and it's too bloody hard to motivate myself to do anything earlier. Also because it is very easy to neutralize the reading of books in your field that fall just beside the focus of your essay as being not procrastinating.
2. Eat healthier.
   Why: Because HEALTHIER.
   Why I won't: I try to eat fairly healthy to begin with, few sweets, no puddings, no cakes, and I'm in the process of cutting cola from my diet (talk about a difficult task), but I should eat more regularly, and switch my BLT for something without bacon. English stores don't help, though, by including crisps in their meal deals (good thing they don't sell paprika crisps) and selling name-brand cola for 50p per liter. 
3. Exercise more.
   Why: see above.
   Why I won't: I can't run (honestly, I've a very good reason). I'm still cycling to uni every day though, and cycle uphill to Asda once every two weeks, so I'm getting my 30 minutes a day, but it's not going to turn into more.
4. Worry less.
   Why: Because it doesn't look pretty when it turns to panic. Also, it's bad for my blood pressure.
   Why I won't: Because I am a chronic worrier and that's not going to change without some intensive behavioural therapy. Also at least when I worry, I know I'll spend (inordinate) attention on futile details, so nothing will be missed... in a sense, worrying prevents future worry. 
5. Get a life.
   Why: My brother likes lamenting my comparative lack of social skills, and then there's always the people who think that academia is not really having a life (I'm not sure it is, either, considering the amount of procrastinating I do), and then there's the dreaded Bridget Jones-question: "So, how's your love life?"
   Why I won't: I would have serious trouble fulfilling all my dreams, aspirations and ambitions if I were seriously attached, and for the rest, I've been the way I've been for the last 22 years; unless something traumatic happens, my personality is not going to change any more. I have a life: mine... sod conformity!

Leicester Adventure: Happy Christmas!

Happy Christmas, all.

Oh, before you ask: no, aside from the invitation to send in a decent research proposal I haven't heard anything from my PhD application.
Yes, I have found an alternative in case it goes wrong. The only downside to this alternative is that I wouldn't be able to do exactly what I want, but something close to it.
No, also haven't heard anything yet about my internship application.
Yes, I sent in my abstract for PALA 2013. No, haven't heard anything about that yet either.
No, haven't finished my essays yet.

I am bothered by all sorts of Christmas songs implying that it is somehow sad and really something of a social failure to spend Christmas by yourself. As if being able to do what you want, without having to be bothered with (family) politics, eating whatever you want, is something to be pitied. As if it's a shame that you can now watch that one documentary on the history of Rome without people going "aaah that's laaaammeee!" and "can't you put on something more Christmassy, something we'll all enjoy?" and subsequently being forced to sit through Home Alone 2 for the nth time. As if you're missing out on something when you prepare a lovely lamb steak and green beans for yourself instead of spending six hours around a table messing around with tiny pans and minuscule blobs of undefinable meat, when you're full after the first half hour because you were hungry and scarfed down about two baguettes because the tiny pans weren't hot enough and your meat just wouldn't cook.

Ah, but I'm being unfair here now, especially to my really lovely family. I'm just focusing on and enlarging the things I don't enjoy about Christmas. The forced part of everything. I love to be with my family for Christmas and, yes, I must admit, I like the gifts part. I like having the opportunity to spend three hours arguing with my father's girlfriend's mother on my side against my father and my father's girlfriend's father about whether women in general should be in charge of things (my father's girlfriend usually refrains from participating). I like commenting on stuff on the telly with my step-dad and being allowed, this once a year, to help my mum with the cooking. Discussing economics with my brother, and the fact that my brother and step-brother manage to still suggest McDonald's after a four-course meal. I like when I somehow managed to find the perfect gift for a person just this once, and seeing their faces when they unwrap it.
But I don't need Christmas for that - I'm going to the Netherlands in a few weeks and I can do all this then. And then I thankfully get to miss out on the forced part, because I rather than the calendar decided that this was the time to visit my family and planning these visits isn't limited to just two days.

Anyway.

This past year, I've come to understand what I like about criminology, law, economics and, yes, media studies and stylistics/linguistics is the notion of a social construct. This does of course allow me to throw around vapid phrases such as "ah, but everything is a social construct!" but more importantly, it allows me to try and analyse social relations from a distanced point of view. I like that (draw your own conclusions).
And I get to take conspiracy theories seriously, which is quite fun, of course.

I'm still reading Constitutive Criminology, and found Mike Presdee's Cultural Criminology and the Carnival of Crime so fascinating that I finished it in a day. Next up is Cultural Criminology Unleashed. 

Happy Christmas, and a good final few days of 2012.

Leicester Adventure: Hearing Back

So, last week I sent an email to the person I most definitely hope to do my PhD with, and he basically told me that my topic sounded interesting but I needed to send in more.

Makes sense, I think, so I'm now working on a PhD proposal, which is really a lot of work. Especially since I wish to put in evidence that I know what I'm talking about, so I'm currently at 45 references for 1800 words. Perhaps that's overkill.

Kristy heard back from one of her applications too (not Oxford though) and got accepted. See, that's where the joy of applying finally comes in. Congrats :)

I'm also writing an abstract for this summer's Pala conference. It's fairly tough to do so, though, seeing as I want to present on an aspect of my dissertation topic (which makes sense if you knew what my dissertation topic was on) and I'll receive a stern talking-to if I start researching before I get my dissertation proposal through the Ethics commission, so I can't really write down any preliminary results yet... pity. Yet I managed 180 words so far, just describing what I want to study, so I guess I should be able to fill those 400 words. Especially as I managed 1800 words for my PhD proposal without referring to results.

UPDATE: I am also applying for an internship. I'm keeping the details secret for a little longer, but let's just say that if everything works out, I may be improving my French this summer.

Completely unrelated (but fascinating!) I came across this quote yesterday, which sort of justifies my interests and the belief that I can combine them (I like justifying myself):

"Constitutive criminology, then, is a theory proposing that humans are responsible for actively creating their world with others. They do this by transforming their surroundings through interaction with others, not least via discourse. Through language and symbolic representation they identify differences, construct categories, and share a belief in the reality of that which is constructed that orders otherwise chaotic states. It is towards these social constructions of reality that humans act." (Stuart Henry and Dragan Milovanovic, Constitutive Criminology, 1996: ix)

It reminded me of the following:

"Communication is something more than a means of staying alive. It is a way of being alive. It is through communication that we inherit the achievements of past human effort. The possibility of communication can reconcile us to the thought of death by assuring us that what we will achieve will enrich the lives of those to come. How and when we accomplish communication with one another can expand or contract the boundaries of life itself. [...] If I were asked, then, to discern one central indisputable principle of what may be called substantive natural law - Natural Law with capital letters - I would find it in the injunction: Open up, maintain, and preserve the integrity of the channels of communication by which men convey to one another what they perceive, feel and desire." (Lon L. Fuller, The Morality of Law, 1963 [1969]: 186)

Leicester Adventure/Tips: Finding the perfect place and applying

Finding the Place

I have come across an interesting phenomenon: it seems that whenever I find a 'perfect place' to do something, and I set out to my parents what the pros of that place are (I happily ignore the cons), somehow it ends up being assumed that that is the place I will go to; never mind that I a) first need to be accepted and b) need to then be accepted for a funded place in this case of me looking for a PhD place.
Perhaps a sample size of three isn't the best, but it seems a recurring pattern.
Who cares about pragmatics when you have a dream?

The first sample is for when I applied to Cambridge - somehow, it was assumed that I'd be spending the current academic year at Cambridge, which frankly I was assuming too but only sort of/half/something...

The second sample is for when I was in the process of applying to Leicester; though a little more careful this time around, asking me first how I thought my chances were, there was still the underlying assumption that I would go to Leicester, and all the B&B-googling that went with that (just so you know, my mum and step-dad are really into B&Bs).

I see the same happening, now, too; I've found a place where I'd love to do a PhD, where there's a professor whose interests line up almost eerily perfect with mine, where I stand a decent chance to be funded and where I'd have the advantage of knowing at least one person with whom I could perhaps share a flat. First thing my step-dad asked me after I told my mum about this place: "So, you're going to X?". I catch myself assuming this too - "ooh, I do hope I'll live close to a decent pub next year" etc.

The problem is, I do it too. My dear friend Kristy is now also applying, for Master's programmes, and I find myself assuming that she'll go to Oxford, while really I should know better than to make assumptions no matter how good someone's application is. My other dear friend Ma-ike has been talking about doing a History master's in Leiden in a few years and I'm assuming she will actually be in Leiden in a few years.

Applying

This all also means that I'm now being sent personal statements and research proposals by friends asking me whether I'd please go over it for them (and to be nice - I guess I do tend to be a little harsh and strict when looking written things over), like I did myself last year.
I wish I had the key, though, to a good personal statement or research proposal, but once again I can only draw on a small sample size, of one this time - I still think I wrote a really good application for Leicester, and that one was only good because I'd written it with genuine enthusiasm and interest.
If that's the case, however - Leicester being my only good application ever - I have no idea of how I got into Roosevelt Academy, so perhaps I should see whether that one's any good and if so, what makes it good.

First of all, what's bad is that my RA letter of motivation is very long - I just waffled on. Furthermore, my word choice was definitely not as good as it could have been, almost cringe-worthy in places, and I have no idea where I left my structure. My paragraphs are too short, there's too much white space on the pages. I should've gone with the Times New Roman 12-font. Signing with 'Yours Faithfully' is so antiquated even I would be hesitant to use it nowadays. I didn't date the letter.

However, what is good about it, is that it shows dedication to my choice (much like the enthusiasm I showed for Leicester), and what exactly it was about Roosevelt Academy that made me so dedicated to my choice (and what about Leicester and Criminology made me so enthusiastic about both). Some life history of how my ambitions developed with age, that blah-blah.
About my experience in my chosen fields, and how my lack of experience should not matter because I really do love the fields (for Leicester, I harked on about my experience at the court... also perhaps not the greatest type of experience, but I squeezed it for all it was worth). Something about what I wish to do with my time at RA, something about my hobbies - I was frank enough to state that I'd once written a bad screenplay for a planned but never made movie, perhaps this touch of personal honesty was another plus (though it shouldn't be a selling point that I wrote bad screenplays and was part of a group that didn't carry out its plans). Some more experience, this time on being editor-in-chief of the school paper, on my hobby of writing, and another bit of honesty in that "I am not that good an author".
About my (workable, realistic) plans for the future, with the rather ambitious line of "I am willing to keep on studying until I have learned everything I wish to know" - again, honest. More honesty on that I failed a test here and there, but then insistence on me always trying my best, with a bit of mother's wisdom thrown in (my mum's favourite statement it that you can't do better than your best).

There are in it some lines about something that I now care deeply about; "In the fourth year of high school, I had a great Economics teacher. It was a difficult subject but I liked it so much that I became quite all right in it". Not the best wording, perhaps, but I find this line interesting because over my time at RA I became even more convinced of the idea that good teachers are what's necessary in making a course great - the subject matter is almost entirely secondary. Not something that's needed in a letter of motivation, I think, however.

In short then, what seems to work for me in letters of motivation/personal statements/application, is almost painful honesty (up to the point where it becomes almost a symptom of lack of self-esteem), ambition, realistic plans, and enthusiasm or dedication to the choice I've made, with the inclusion of why I'm so dedicated/enthusiastic.

What should be left out are things such as my bad screenplay example; instead I could've included that I really like to cook, or something. I remember now that I left cooking out back then because I didn't consider myself good enough at it; as if you need to be good at cooking to enjoy it. Oh well.

So that's it, then, the stages of applying (to anything)*:

1. Discover your interests.
2. Find a place where the interests line up with yours.
3. Check whether you're eligible for funding if you need it.
4. Find out whether that place is in an environment that you could live in for the time that the programme takes.
5. Find out whether the teaching's any good. 
6. Inform about further possibilities.
7. Establish informal contact with someone there.
8. Write your application:
1. Consider why you are making that choice and show your dedication.
2. Include some experience (both work and academic), and be honest.
3. Don't be painfully honest, that's just detrimental.
4. Describe your (realistic) future plans.
5. Toss in some ambition. 
9. Send your stuff in.
10. Wait.
11. Wait.
12. Cry in frustration.
13. Wait.
14. Rejoice/Cry some more. 
15. If necessary, start over again (though to be safe you'd better apply to more places at the same time). 
16. If accepted, start your other arrangements (see just about any other post that I've written for this blog). 

*Disclaimer: has only worked for me for 2/3 application so far, no guarantees.

Leicester Adventure: Hard Day's Night

I realize I've been complaining a lot (in real life as well as online) about being cold lately. I just like to complain, I guess, plus England's just really very cold. Maybe I'm getting ill, that could also be a cause for me being cold all the time. Or I should just dress warmer.

It doesn't really help that about 90% of all windows appear to be single-pane. No wonder everyone's allegedly terrified of the gas and electricity bill. If I ever buy a house here, no matter what the cost of installation (I'm sure it'll pay itself back either in resale value or gas bill savings eventually), I'm so going to put in double-pane glazing, just like I'm used to. It only seems a matter of time before I wake up to ice flowers on my window, a phenomenon that I really am only familiar with as part of my dad's childhood stories.

Anyway, for the more cheerful stuff: I've been to London to do some Christmas shopping. And I succeeded. I'm not going to tell you what exactly I bought, because my family reads this blog too (they're actually my primary readers, hi mum! hi dad! hi step-dad! hi dad's girlfriend!) but I'll tell you that it was loads of fun. Actually, it wasn't just Christmas shopping, it was also the EvilCo board weekend - that is, I met up with Danou and Sam and we did fun stuff, like just aimlessly walking about Covent Garden ("Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter...") and the City of London, finally visiting Leadenhall Market and doing one of the Jack the Ripper tours. The latter comes highly recommended, by the way - no such nonsense as dressed up people appearing from behind corners but instead a tour guide with a knack for telling stories very sensationally and vividly and unafraid to bash pop culture renderings of Jack the Ripper. Afterwards, we watched From Hell at Danou's and though we'd seen it before - it's a really good film, I must say, it's just the right amount of scary for me to watch it without nightmares, so I guess it's fairly soft for everyone else... - it was quite strange to watch it now and be like 'hey, but that can't have been' or 'that's so not how it must've looked like'.

Today Danou and I went to Camden Town for more Christmas shopping, and I got really very greedy there. I want to have EVERYTHING.
I didn't buy everything though, I'm proud of myself.

It was really crowded though, so maybe I shouldn't go on a Sunday next time.

Anyway, lots of arts and crafts stuff and goth clothes and vintages clothes and retro clothes and antiques and knickknacks and everything. I bought myself a pocket watch which is probably quite crappy but you can't really go wrong for six pounds for a watch.

Fell in love with a coat that I now MUST have. http://www.collectif.co.uk/plain-gretel-coat-p-sku03120604-c-red.html
Of course it's already out of stock. This isn't the type of coat that remains in stores long. Really, I should've bought it the minute I saw it but on the other hand I shouldn't go about spending 175 pounds on a new winter coat when I've got two really good ones already.

Tried on hats - made me look really posh - and fur coats - made me look not posh but really really not me. I just don't have the face for fancy things, I guess I'd better just stick with plain long woolen coats.

On my trip back North I sat on the floor near the toilets and bins because all the seats were taken and/or reserved (cold!). Somehow I was incredibly reminded of that one scene in Hard Day's Night in which John, Paul, George and Ringo are sat in a compartment and a gentleman comes in and starts harassing them because the four of them want the window open and he wants it closed, and because they want to listen to some songs on a portable radio and the man wants to read the newspaper. I'm not sure why I'm reminded of it, because the people on the train just basically ignored me and I ignored them and we all went about our business of sitting around/tossing stuff out/visiting the toilet, but at least it was a nice distraction...

Also, Camden is absolutely flooded with Beatles-related and Beatles-inspired stuff. I get that it's 50 years since Ringo joined and all that, but honestly, I'd almost expect a repeat of Beatlemania...