Almost every day now, I think about my future. What do I want to do after Leicester? I'd very much like to do a PhD, but unless I can do it as a research fellow and/or as part of a funded thing, I can't afford it. My study finance and student loans just stop as soon as I have my master's, and considering the fact that I already borrowed from my parents to do this master's I'm not going to ask them to fund another three years. Not when this economy makes it uncertain whether I'll actually be able to obtain employment after my study. You don't have to pay back your student loan and finance if you can't get a job after studying and I don't feel guilty about leaving DUO with my debt if that is what happens, but I'm not going to impose such a burden on my parents.
I've now started to check the website for the DCGC programme every other day, to look at their requirements. I know I can write a killer research proposal, also because I know that the thing I want to research is a) really interesting, b) useful for the field of Criminology, c) useful for society at large, d) in line with the research focus of the programme. The programme itself fills me with enthusiasm, so writing the letter of motivation should not be too difficult either. What worries me, though, is that they need references and grades. I can provide them with excellent undergraduate grades and references, no problem, but the handin date for the research proposal is 8 January 2013 and I don't have to hand in my course essays, my only evaluation materials, till late January. Also, I don't know if by that date I know my professors here well enough to ask them for a reference. I am going to give it a shot, absolutely, but this scares me a bit. Also because there are rumours that because of the austerity measures the Erasmus Mundus programme will be cut after 2013, so next year could be my last chance for this programme.
About once a week, I go onto the website for the Rijkstraineeship. I feel hesitant about returning to the Netherlands, but this option is just really very good, especially considering the pay but more importantly the opportunities. I know I'm qualified, I've got the leadership experience (not sure whether being chair of LitCo counts, but me being Course Rep and part of the founding board of the MSc Criminology Social Society here should definitely help), plus I speak three languages (Dutch and English fluently and pretty decent French once I work on it a bit more) and have (now) the experience of living abroad. Also, I've worked with a semi-governmental organization (Middelburg Court) and - well, all I'm really lacking in is keeping myself up-to-date with regards to what's going on in the Netherlands right now. I should probably actually read the foreign news articles in the Guardian rather than just reading about what misogyny/sexism means nowadays and whether the newest Pullman is any good. I do know, though, that apparently, financially I'm the equivalent of Finland. I also know that the Brits (or at least, the Guardian readers) think David Cameron is a toff and think Boris Johnson's hair's awful (I agree), and that the phrase 'yummy mummy' elicits 25 pages of discussion, but I fear that sort of social engagement and keeping up-to-date on what's happening in the world isn't the sort the Rijkstraineeship people are looking for.
I guess I could always try to be a part of a research team, which is a bit harder in social sciences than in the real, hard sciences, but people who know me know that I would very much prefer to do things my way ("let me do my thing!"). That may be impossible, though, so perhaps I should just cave and get my PhD and be bothered with doing my thing afterwards. I dunno.
No damn way the future's still a long way away; it might as well start tonight.
You're not the only one getting future-jitters .....
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