Once again, I find myself awake in the middle of the night (or 5am, whatever), overly worried (how surprising) about things yet to come and things still unsure.
You see, I've begun sending out stuff for PhD applications, and now it's mostly waiting. I somehow didn't write much about to which University I was applying for a PhD, and I don't exactly know why I didn't (except perhaps out of fear that anyone might get ideas and apply there too, and obviously be better and "steal" that opportunity, while it isn't even rightfully mine anyway).
I'm applying to Cardiff University, hoping to research whether economic development during the recent global economic crisis (you know, the crisis that also makes that whatever I do, I won't get a job, let alone a career, thus probably allowing my dad to be able to exclaim "I told you so!" when I turn out to be overqualified) is linked to wider societal reactions to corporate crime.
Mainly, I think that reactions have grown harsher over the years; look at the media reports on Starbucks's tax evasion, which wasn't even illegal in the first place! But yeah, quite dry to anyone who doesn't care about a) corporate crime; b) economics; c) media responses to crime, and d) politics. In short, it is the PERFECT thing for me to be researching.
Actually, I was discussing this with a course mate on Monday after my Psychology module; we were talking about summer plans and I said that I didn't know yet whether I was going to do any traveling (except Heidelberg, because PALA!), as I would be trying to save my money instead if I got accepted to do a PhD. So, I turned to explaining what I wanted to do and why Cardiff, and while I was doing so I just couldn't stop smiling. My course mate then told me that it was really obvious that I was enthusiastic about it, something about getting a glimmer in my eyes (note though that I also start smiling ridiculously and have a similar glimmer when I've had too many ciders). But it is true, though, the more I think of this project, the more enthusiastic I get about it. Except that I don't even know yet whether I actually get to do it.
I chose Cardiff mainly because it was the sort of place at which everything comes together. One very important thing was, however rude to openly discuss, money - Cardiff is one of the places that offers ESCR funding and I simply can't do a PhD without funding. It's a mostly practical consideration, but, indeed following my father's immeasurable wisdom, I have to acknowledge that there are limits, and this includes my savings account.
Secondly, unimportant hadn't it been the case and hugely important now that it is - one of my fellow RA alumnae currently studies at Cardiff and was delighted with the city, telling me how beautiful it was and how it was like Middelburg but bigger.
Thirdly, I'm hoping to work with one specific professor, Michael Levi, who has written loads of cool books on white collar crime and fraud and organised crime and so pretty much does what I want to do. In fact, he's also written a book with Petrus van Duyne about drugs and money. This earns him extra "I NEED him as a PhD supervisor"-points because I used loads of stuff by Van Duyne for my Independent Research Project at RA (well, actually for the bit of my IRP that didn't end up in my IRP because it wasn't entirely relevant to the topic but I still looked into it because I was fascinated - it was on organized crime), mostly because Van Duyne sketched out organized crime as more or less operating on a market that happened to feature illegal products and services or p&s that had been obtained and/or delivered in an illegal fashion. Also, professor Levi has, aside from his PhD, a DSc in Economics, so that's extra awesome because I always did like my economics courses.
I'm missing my economics courses now, because though my criminological interest is (obviously) covered by my MSc and my language/linguistics fascination (I'm blaming people for me even having that interest, though) also somewhat by my MSc and continued contact with PALA people (hence Heidelberg), I miss the presumption that people and organisations mostly do things because it benefits them either in the short- or long term, and that those things can be measured in the mysterious unit of 'utility'. It's so deliciously rational and calculated. I miss my Industrial Organization class (still think I got an A rather than my usual economics A- because I could link it to things from my IRP). I guess there is utility in reacting to corporate crime in a certain way, and this utility includes maintaining the status quo and perhaps even reinforcing the social contract (yay political philosophy), but that's still something to look into. Heck, there might even be some institutional economics involved (yay economic philosophy).
So, in a sense, if Cardiff happened, I'd be doing my perfect topic in my perfect place. Fingers crossed.
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