As I sit on my mum's flowery sofa, watching The Voice of Holland, repeatedly refusing a glass of wine, I come to realize that I am scared.
Not the sort of terrified, petrified, horrified kind of scared that nightmares and ghost stories will do to you, nor the anxiousness that some situations may do to you, but the sort of scared that more or less empties your mind and only allows you to wait until it's all over.
My step-dad and me tried fitting everything in the car earlier today; it all fit. Our planning is sound. I'm not nervous. I'm just... waiting. There is nothing I can do.
I also just read this one article on the website of The Guardian about how it takes, like, 15 years or so for scientists to find a proper research position in academia. I'm not a scientist and I'm not going to try and find a research position, but still I wonder how it'll all work out in my future. Sure, politics and the judiciary are nice alternatives, but when it all comes down to it, I'd like it best if I got to teach undergrad Criminology, or secondary school 'maatschappijleer'... I've got this no-longer-that-secret ambition somewhere to one day get to teach Roosevelt Academy's 'Crime and Law Enforcement' course because I think I'd be really good at that (but for now we'll leave teaching that course to prof. Ippel), but in the end it'll all come down to me having to take whatever job comes my way.
I'm not worried about that. I'm actually not worried at all at this point. I'm just... I'm waiting.
9 more hours. I think I'll try and get some sleep now.
Hey babe,
ReplyDeletemy guess is that by now you should have arrived, finally yay! Well, not so yay for me of course (I already miss you like an idiot) but a big YAY for you! Finally you can get back to studing your ass off, and join the club ;)
Anyway, thanks for the text must have been a stunning view! I really hope you like your room and I cant wait to get a good look at it via skype (I tried the mirror but there appears to be some kind of error, either its still in your bag, or it doesnt work overseas, or, my worst fear, we might be muggles after all, I am counting on the first option!).
Well, I believe thats all for now, looking forward to the next update so better unpack quickly!
x